Senseless Sensors

You might think I take the girls on adventures because they need to experience new places and expand their horizons. Well, that is partially true, and it is also true that I like to go on adventures, too. 

But there is part of this equation you might not know. Having a friend along is a great, and sometimes, dire necessity. 

The other day I was in the airport restroom while my traveling companions stayed with the luggage. I stood hopelessly at the sink trying to get the motion activated sensor to release the water. A stranger walked in. I looked at her desperately and said, “Help! I need a friend. Will you please get this water started for me?” She laughed, waved her hand in front of the faucet and, walla, it worked perfect.

Motion activated sensors are a bane to my existence. If I manage to get the soap dispenser to work, the water doesn’t. Sometimes neither do. I have soaped my hands and tried every sink with no satisfaction. If I manage to get both the soap and water to work, I feel pretty smug – that is until I try to dry my hands. It makes no difference if it’s the sensor paper towel dispenser or the hot air hand dryer – sometimes it’s the shirt tail for me.

Now if it was just the soap or the water or the hand dryer, that would be one thing, but when the auto flush toilets get in the act, it is purely miserable. I wait and wait and wait and wait and the blasted toilet won’t flush. I have to push the funny little button to release the whirlpool. The other day I was so excited. The toilet flushed when I rose from the throne. As I started to leave the stall, it flushed a second time. It’s all or nothing! Hah! I finally beat it! 

I walked to the sink with confidence, thinking, “The curse has been lifted. This is the day I claim victory and will overcome the sensor plague.”

It’s a good thing someone walked in so I could make my plea, “Help, I need a friend!”

I couldn’t tell you how many times my companions have had to help me start those annoying conveniences. If they aren’t around, just give me a bar of soap, a turn on faucet, a couple of paper towels and a toilet handle! 

A Little Sister Tale

Daddy told me a tale about his little sister. It goes like this….

A lady and her daughter came up to the canyon. The girl was about Mary Jane’s age. They were playing and MJ got upset about something and decided to run away – all the way to the Brannin Ranch (which was a good hike away through the wilds of Montana).

Faithful, loving brother Buck, hopped on the horse and went to fetch her home. He rode into the Brannin Ranch yard only to be pelted with her throwing rocks at him.

“She could be a little temperamental at times. She did things that we would never have gotten by with,” says Brother Buck.

The Bear Tree

My guest author today is my Dad as he tells the story of the bear that climbed the “bear tree.” He was just a little kid, but it made a lasting impression.

Then came the episode with the bear.  Cousins Sydney and Margaret were visiting with Ellen and Barbara.  The girls decided to play in the hay shed, which was about 300 yards from the house and through a patch of woods.  Mother’s tomcat, Nimmy Not, followed them to the shed.  Sometimes they’d spook a mouse out of the hay for the tomcat.  This time they spooked out a bear!

A yearling bear had come down to the corrals to help himself to some awful offal that had been left over from butchering a beef. The bear saw the children, and the children saw the bear.  The bear ran for a tree.  The children hid in the shed and peered through a knot hole in the side of the building. When the bear came down from the tree, he started to grow. He sniffed his way toward the shed getting larger every step.  The children began to get nervous.  Our fearless cousin, Margaret, who thought that all cats were females, said,  “I know what let’s do. Let’s throw out Minnie.”

The girls pushed Nimmy Not out of the shed.  “Go get him,” they said.  Then they crawled through a hole on the backside of the building and circled their way back to the house.

“You threw my cat out?”  Mother asked when she heard about their adventure.

“She said to.”  Sister Ellen pointed to our fearless cousin.

The Bear Tree

A big tear came to Margaret’s eyes.  “We didn’t mean to, but it was her or us.”

About that time there was a yowling at the kitchen door.  It was Nimmy Not come home.  The girls picked him up.

“Oh, Minnie!”  Cousin Margaret exclaimed.  “This is your lucky day!”

It was really my lucky day.  If I’d have been at the shed, they’d have pushed me out instead of the cat.

When Daddy came home we walked over to the corral.  Spot came along.  When we saw the bear, Father said, “Sic ‘im!”

The hound raced across the meadow. The bear headed for the tree. Spot leaped in the air like he was catching a pancake.  He came down with a mouthful of fur.

The next morning the bear was gone. Likely Spot saved the day. No more bears came around the sawmill where a leaping hound snatched them bald on the wrong end.

Sounds of the Prairie Night

Quaking aspens rattled in the continuous breeze. Their golden leaves were cast to the ground, some swirling to join others piled up at the base of the trees or against a bush, as they chanted a sweet melody. Long white knobby fingers extended from the limbs to scratch the side of the cabin. In the distance, the river sang a soft comforting tune.

The mid morning hours of darkness came to life though there was little to be seen. Several pairs of eyes captured by a flashing light peered from the tall grass. The cool fall winds blew mournful cries across the prairie that sounded like a wounded animal whimpering from its den. Just when the wind subsided, a low growl or yip of a dog on the hunt broke the moment of silence. And then there was nothing. Where had the sounds come from? How could they be so close and then so far away?

In the morning hours, I searched for the source of the sounds the breath of autumn whispered night after night. I scanned the countryside and looked for signs of life that roamed in the twilight – but found nothing. As I pondered the mystery, a gust of wind flew over the tall dry grass on the prairie. There were the sounds I had heard in the night! I stepped into the open and searched the sky. There on the roof of the cabin was a wind vane twirling as each waft caught the directions of the wind sending its arms spinning. With each turn, the screeching sounds I had heard in the darkness no longer carried the sorrowful dirge. No longer did the darkness seem quite so dim.

Signs

We alit from the plane, made a pit stop, then headed to stand in line to get our rental car. I told the young attendant, “I need a four wheel drive.” The Judge told the guy, “Yep! You never know where she might take us.” My first thought was, “Oh no! He’ll check the rental car wanted poster and find my name on there from the first trip when we returned our vehicle caked in mud.” He just smiled and thought, “Not that sweet little lady.” I just grinned with all the innocence I could muster.

It’s a good thing the attendant didn’t see us the next day as we hopped, jumped, bumped and sometimes almost flew through the field. Who needs roads or trails? There were no speed limit signs and I probably wouldn’t abide by it anyway. However, there was a sign outside of our fence. I’m not sure what it meant but it was evident someone didn’t follow its instructions either.

Maybe we’ll drive on the road tomorrow.

Road Trip

The girls came to me like two little puppies, jumping up and down with tongues out and tails wagging. “When are we going on another adventure? Huh? Huh? Can we go? Can we go? Yeah, Yeah, let’s go somewhere.” I patted their heads, “Down girls!”

After a few times of that, they wore me down. “Okay. We’ll go somewhere. We’ll go on a road trip.” I thought that would calm them down but no! I knew I had to make plans – and quick – if I was going to get any peace at all. Then, Maud got in the act! So guess what? We’re on road trip.

Red is along. Her name kind of gives her away. Yep, she has red hair with green eyes to go along with it. And she has freckles, well, more than that. She has freckles on top of freckles and they have their own freckles. She likes to put on makeup in the morning so her freckles will sleep.

Then there’s the Judge. She thinks she’s the judge at all times. But I can only allow so much of that! When we’re on a road trip, I’m in charge. To make sure, I don’t let her know ALL of the plans, but how can I because I don’t even know them all. On occasion, to make her feel important, I give her assignments. I sure wouldn’t want her to loose her judgeship skills. She gets to do things like haul rocks, drive Irish Chariots, pump gas, ask people questions, and stuff kind of like that. She is a natural beauty so doesn’t have to mess with makeup.

You’ve met Maud before. She’s the young blood of the group – zany, which means, amusingly unconventional and idiosyncratic, and she likes to calm us with her singing skills. At any time she might jump in the air and click her feet together, tell a wild tale or yell at the sky.

These are my companions for a few days.

Then there’s me. And you wonder why I’m crazy?

Hah!

Take Me Out to the Ball Game

Those gathered around the dinner table held hands with heads bowed as the elderly man began his prayer with song, “Take me out to the ball game, take me out to the crowd….” The crackled voice broke causing a wave of emotion to wash over us.  I lifted my eyes but dared not look around to see the expressions of the others. I couldn’t have seen if they had tears in their eyes for my own that threatened to spill over. Just that simple tune was one of the greatest proclamations of thanks and blessings.

The tune transported me back more than 50 years ago. The pitcher stood on the mound. “Batter’s up!” He started his wind-up, his arm spinning like rotors on a helicopter about to take off. “Swing batter batter,” was heard from the field. Crack! The ball flew through the air as the batter ran at full speed. As he turned first base and headed to second, dried cow manure was flung from the soles of his shoes. 

That’s how we played ball when our families got together. We’d grab our gloves and crawl through the barbed wire fence and into the pasture. Dried cow patties served as the bases. Some of the boys stripped off their shirts and others put on their caps. A ball game was serious business! I always wanted to be on the team that had the most Clark boys. Those boys knew how to play ball and I wanted to be on the winning team.  The Clarks, Hambys, Spallers, Wards and all the other cousins, young and old, picked teams. Guy, pipe in mouth, was the pitcher. When the little kids got up to bat, he shortened the distance from the pitcher’s mound to home plate. The little ones were just as much part of the team as the big ones.  And if a little one hit the ball there was more cheering than if one of those big guys hit the ball over the fence and into the neighbor’s field. 

When the big game was over, the teams grazed from the leftovers stretched out on makeshift tables under the shade trees. My granddad, having thumped his watermelon to prove it was ripe, cut the watermelon into pieces. Kids lined up to get their slice.  Juice ran down their chins and dripped down their bellies.  The old timers told the same stories they had told for years but we listened as if it was the very first time we heard them. They talked about their days living on the prairies of Montana. It seemed their hearty laughter could be heard for miles away as it bubbled up from the tips of their toes, their booming voices drowning out the chatter of the others. We were given predictions of the baseball teams that were bound to be going to the championship games. Women exchanged recipes and swapped cotton yarn for knitted dishcloths. Though our bellies were full, the soothing aromas of my Aunt’s kitchen still enticed us to get another cinnamon roll (if there were any left) or a piece of pie. With those cooks, there were very little leftovers to take home. By the time we left for home, we were completely satisfied. Nothing beat a day spent with cousins and other relatives with plenty of food, fun and loads of laughter. The stories and laughter still echoes in my memories.  

Though many have slipped away, we continue to pass the stories down. That is our heritage and well worth the remembrance.  What great blessings we have been given! Family, food, stories, laughter, memories!

 Prayers don’t always come in pious or fancy words. Nor are they merely petitions for intervention. Often the prayers that reach the heights of heaven are simple remembrances and thanksgiving of God’s blessings. It might even be a silly tune that speaks volumes.

The elderly man continued his prayer, “….One, two, three strikes you’re out at the old ball game.” “Thank you Lord for those gathered around the table…”  

Indian Corn

My daddy like to garden. His garden was a place gnomes liked to hide. All kinds of contraptions were found in his garden – concrete blocks, big rocks, plastic, scraps of things tossed in the trash, strips of old carpet, discarded stockings or socks chewed up with toenail holes. There were lots of hiding places for garden fairies, toads, tortoises, rabbits and even gnomes. A scarecrow stood as sentry. It was sometimes attached to tomato cages or stood straight and tall, tied to a long stick. A shirt, hat, bandana or other garments completed its wardrobe. At the end of the harvest, the weathered, saggy crow was dismantled only to be replaced the next year by a newer model.

Daddy would try to grow almost anything, even produce that wasn’t supposed to grow well in the south. Various things were added to the soil. There was sand in the carrot bed, chicken manure, straw, fertilizer and peelings from fruits and veggies scattered in other parts of the garden. He planted fruit trees and bushes, and even tried his hand at grafting. Somehow that little man, who had an unconventional way of gardening, managed to grow an abundance of food in a little bit of ground. I think he must have used fairy dust.

Sometimes he planted Indian Corn. When the corn was ready, it was a sure sign of fall. Some of the kernels were exposed adding a splash of fall color to our table for a time. When it was good and dry, we would shuck the corn by pulling back the husks. I can still feel the corn as we removed the kernels from the cob. I put both hands on an ear of corn and twisted my hands in opposite directions working the kernels loose. By the time we were all done, our hands were sore.

A myriad of various shades of red, orange, yellow, and purple kernels fell into the bowl. When the kernels were good and dry, then came time for popping. Oil was heated in a pan, corn thrown in, and soon pop! Pop! Pop! The popcorn was good right out of the bowl, or for making popcorn balls, or caramel popcorn. Mama mixed up a syrupy mixture for popcorn balls. We’d butter our hands and shape the sticky popcorn into balls and wrap it in cellophane. That also meant it was also time for candied apples or caramel apples.

Colorful leaves swept into the air by a cool wind, pumpkins, the bite of the breeze on my cheeks, a warm jacket pulled tight, cuddling up in a fuzzy blanket in front of a cozy fire, roasting marshmallows over a bonfire, remnants of the overgrown garden, dried cornstalks, droopy scarecrow, colors of Indian corn, and caramel apples were reminders that Summer had passed the torch to my favorite season – Fall.

Every year, it still brings warm memories of special times with family and friends.

Schaeckspierre


My guest author today is my Granddad. Today is also
his 124th birthday. He sent this poem to my Dad many years ago.
Shakespeare has nothing on him!

Round about the farm yard go
In the tattered shirt now throw.

Blouse that in days of old
Seamed and sewn and button holed.

Used indeed till dirty got
Tossed within the washing pot.

Double, double, toil and trouble
Machine churn, detergent bubble.

Skinny like a jenny snake
Round about the horn did shake

Eye for eye and tit for tat
Storm there after with a bat

Strong of limb and more of tongue
The pursuer now is stung.

For a charm of heap by trouble
Horn in old one, leave on the double.

Trouble trouble toil and trouble
Shirts to wash and pants to scrubble.

Woe alas to no good gone
From the clothesline its now shorn

Tossed and tattered, stomped and torn
Pulled on bossie’s crumpled horn.

Maiden lost, maid forlorn,

Humble, humble, coax and rumble
Get it back and hence to grumble.

—–Schaeckspierre

What’s For Lunch?

“What’s in your lunch bag?”

“A hotcake.”

“A what?”

“A hotcake. You know, it’s the same thing as a pancake. It was left over from breakfast.”

“That doesn’t sound like a good lunch.”

“It’s yummy. While it was still hot, I spread fresh butter on it so it soaked in real good. Then I sprinkled it with sugar and rolled it up like a cigar.”

That was what my mother packed for lunch when she was in school. I watched her numerous times as she slathered butter on her hotcake and sprinkle it with sugar. It was pretty good that way! I learned to fix mine that way, too, but not to pack for lunch.

When I was a kid, Mama made hotcakes for breakfast many times. She cooked three at a time in a big cast iron skillet. One of the boys usually got the first stack. She went around the table loading a stack on each plate, then she’d start over again. The boys ate boocoodles of hotcakes – at least 9 each- at one sitting. Mama didn’t get any until they were all done. I wish I knew how much hotcake batter she made at one time.

If my granddad was around, the cat got the first pancake that was cooked all alone in the pan as a test to see if the skillet was the right temperature. If a little kid was around, the test pancake might get put on the kid’s head before it went to the cat.

My lunch bag never had a hotcake in it. Sometimes it did have a maple stick in it though. That was a rare treat!